The Ultimate Punishment
by AfroPsycho
Summary: Grandad has finally had it. He's tired of these fights that leave his house destroyed. He finally gives them the punishment of all punishments, but has he gone too far? Believe me, it's better than it sounds. Chapter 3 is up.
1. Chapter 1: Old Men Can be So Cruel

Ages:

Huey- 15

Riley- 14

Grandad- (who knows)

Caesar- 15

Jazmine- 15

Cindy- 14

Ed- 27

Rummy- 27

The age of other characters doesn't really matter

It was a perfect day in Woodcrest. Birds were singing, Cindy's on the B-ball court, and Jazmine was having another tea party with her parents and some stuffed animals. All was well, except in the Freeman household.

"Oww, Grandad!" Riley and Huey could be heard getting their ass whooped from miles away. The house was a mess. There were broken lamps, blood, BB pellets, and pieces of nunchuks all over the floor. So it's easy to expect that Riley and Huey had a violent fight. Grandad slowly pulled his belt off and started to speak.

"Now I'm gonna give y'all 5 minutes each to tell me what the hell happened to my house! Huey, you first."

"Now Grandad, I was just calmly reading my book until Riley challenged me to a game of basketball on the Playstation. Obviously I won…"

"Now hold up, nigga, don't lie !"

BAM! And right there Riley got hit with the metal part of the belt. "Now shut your mouth and let your brother talk."

"Bitch ass nigga", Riley whispered quietly. Grandad didn't hear him.

Huey ignored the comment and began again, "As I was saying, I won, and Riley challenged for a rematch, in which I won again. We played again and this time he won, but by plugging out my controller at the last second."

"Heh, heh…" Riley laughed a little until… BAM! Grandad gave him another smack.

"Boy, Didn't I teach you not to cheat?"

"Grumpy old nigga", Riley whispered again, but this time Grandad heard him and smacked him again.

"Don't worry Grandad", Huey said, "I'm almost done. So we played again, but this time, we bet…."

BAM! This time Huey got smacked. "What was that for?"

"No gambling in my house, didn't I tell you that?"

"No you didn't!"

"Well now I did. Please continue:"

"So we bet his Thugnificient chain against my Public Enemy shirt. He tried the same thing, but this time, I quickly plugged in the wireless and unplugged his controller, so I won and took his chain. I planned on giving it back to him, but he kept on complaining about how I cheated when he cheated first. So I sold it to Caesar when he came over. He noticed I didn't have it, and when I told him, he shot me with BB pellets, which started this whole fight."

"Now that you heard this lie, let me tell you the real story", Riley started. He basically told the exactly same story, except this time with more slang, more expletives, more whoopings for the expletives, and leaving out the part where he unplugged the controller twice.

"So who do you believe, me, or the bitch ass nigga?"

After giving Riley a whooping for the expletive, Grandad was thinking of a suitable punishment/ass whooping. Then, for some reason, Grandad put on a twisted smile.

"Grandad, what are you going to do to us?" Huey said, feeling afraid for his well being.

"Don't let him scare you, he's playing old-man-mind-games" Riley reassured his brother

"How do you know?"

"Because I keep my mental mind extra secure, but you too naieve, nigga. He's playin some kind of psychology, but in reverse. He's tryin to make us look like he's crazy. Like he got some plan, like Stinkmeaner did when Grandad (Riley laughs a little) missed that punch…" Riley couldn't hold it and started laughing, so we'll just give a flashback

**Flashback**

**Bitch ass, ragged ass, punk ass, bitch ass nyuka!**

**Flashback end**

Grandad chuckled a bit then addressed them.

"No punishment, and I'll hire a housekeeper to clean this, I got something else in mind."

By now Huey kind of knew Grandad was planning something and Riley started thnking of how to breaking out of the room when Grandad grounds them. Grandad was actually nice to them for the rest of the day; nicer than he's ever been to them. Huey and Riley went to sleep and totally forgot about their fight with Grandad. It wasn't until they woke up when they got worried.

"*Yawn*. Riley, wake up for school. Riley? What the… RILEY, WAKE UP. WHAT'S GOING ON?"

Grandad finally pulled off the ultimate punishment. He handcuffed them together! They were both wearing a shirt that said: I LOVE MY BIG BRO and I LOVE MY LITTLE BRO respectively. Now it would seem like they could take it off, but Grandad somehow pierced Chinese rings in both of their shirts, linking them together. Grandad watched in sick delight as Huey saw the result of his plan.

"Now y'all will never mess up this house again, right?

"Grandad, I'm sorry, and I'll never do it again.

" I know, that's why you're going to school like that too-"

" Aw, please don't Grandad! I'll clean the house a month, just please don't-"

But it was too late to make peace, as Riley woke up to this horror.

"What the… AW HEEEEEEEEEEELLLLL NAAAAAAAAAAAWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!"


	2. Chapter 2: Whining & Grinding

"WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON!" Riley couldn't believe what he saw.

"Why are our beds pushed together, why am I handcuffed, and why the hell am I wearin' this gay ass shirt, Grandad?!"

"I told you not to mess up my damn house, so now you can't."

"This is messed up Grandad, how are we gonna get to school?"

"Just the way you are now"

And for the first time in his life, Riley was actually speechless. Huey was even surprised.

"Oh, I get it, this some trick played by X-zibit since we hustled him fo' da car. All right Ashton Kutcher, you can come out now, 'cause I don't like being punk'd.

"No, Riley this is real. And Grandad, this some old bullsh-"

"AWW HELL NAW!!! Grandad, you one messed up old man! I ain't goin' to school like this!"

And with a short scuffle and some swearing, Grandad got them out of the house and locked the door. They quickly ran to hide, but ran into Ruckus instead. Now usually, Ruckus would find something about this to degrade black people, but this time, he just looked at Riley and shook his head.

"I told Robert not to let you hang with that chocolate monkey Gangstalicious. I guess it's too late… but Huey, why would you degrade yourself like this. I know niggas can't be this dumb-"

BAM! Just one swift kick to the head by Huey took him out cold.

"Quick, Riley. Let's see if Caesar can get it off. It's only about an hour before school starts."

(Now if you read the comics, Caesar says he wants to be a mad scientist. So we're just going to assume he has a chemistry set for this story)

DING-DONG. "Hey Freemans, what's up- WHAT IN THE HELL?"

"Look Caesar, me and Riley had a fight and messed up the house-"

"Again?"

By now Riley started to get upset. "Nigga, hush! Just get your chemistry set and see if you can melt these rings and handcuffs."

So they went upstairs and Caesar poured some weird blue liquid on the rings.

"What is this stuff, Caesar. It feels even harder than before."

"Relax, Afro. I got this"

"You better, nigga, 'cause I ain't going to school lookin' like a bitch."

Unfortunately, Riley would have to, because the liquid only hardened the rings even more. They tried everything. They hammered it, they sawed on it, they even chewed on it, but it never even cracked.

"Maybe Jazmine's tea could rust it and make it collapse."

They took Caeser's advice and went to Jazmine's

DING-DONG. "Hey there, boys…Well, nice to see you and Riley are getting along better Huey, but isn't this a little extreme?"

"I don't have time for this Mr. Dubois. Where is Jazmine?"

Uhh, upstairs in her room. But you better hurry, because she and Cindy are walking to school together and Cindy's on the way over here-"

"Aw hell naw, I can't let ma girl see me like this."

"Now Riley, you know your Grandad doesn't approve of that language", but the boys were already knocking on Jazmine's door.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. Hey guys, how's it... WHAT IN THE WORLD!"

"Jazmine, no time to explain. Please just poor some tea on these rings and free us."

Jazmine was getting her tea pot and chuckled a little.

"What's so funny?"

"C'mon Caesar, tell me you didn't laugh?"

"Jazmine, please just hurry up."

"You know Huey, you're very pushy for a boyfriend."

DING! "Okay, the tea's done, now come here and let me pour it on you."

She poured it and some of it got on their hands. Huey just winced a little, but Riley was screaming like a woman in labor, and fell on her bed

"Damn, Jaz! How hot is that?"

"Just stay still!"

Jazmine got on the bed and held a pot over it and poured the tea again. Riley just jerked again.

"Stay still Riley!"

She now was sitting on his waist trying to pour the tea. If you didn't know they were struggling, you'd think that they were grinding on each other since Riley's head was blocking the view of the tea pots.

"You know, I don't think Huey wants you grinding on his brother, Jazmine" Caesar said before laughing hysterically. "and I think Cindy wouldn't like that either", he now couldn't stop laughing until all three yelled:

"SHUT UP CAESAR!"

"Come on Riley!" Jazmine yelled, and she actually sounded like she was making love

"RILEY FREEMAN!"

Everyone turned to see the loud lady in the doorway, and everyone was even more surprised to see Cindy looking mad as hell.

"Jazmine, how could you?!" The poor girl slowly leaking tears. Jazmine quickly got off of Riley, but Cindy stormed off. They all ran after her.

"Cindy, wait!"

"What, Riley? You want to tell me how you and my supposed best friend got it on? And what the hell is up with your shirts?!"

"Cindy, I was trying to pour tea over the cuffs to melt it. But Riley kept squirming 'cause the tea burned him."

"But then why-" but before she could answer, Grandad and Mr. Petto rolled up on the driveway in Dorothy.

"Just to make sure everyone gets to school, I took the liberty of escorting you all."

Grandad put on a sick smile after seeing his plan fall perfectly into place. Everyone started running like they saw a ghost, but Mr. Petto was prepared.

"Everyone better get into the car, or all of you will fail today's test."

And just like that, everyone froze and said the same line in their heads:

_This old man must have lost his mind._

But lucky for them, Thugnificient , Macktastic, and Flownominal pulled up in a brand new Hummer. Thugnificient rolled down the window and yelled t them,

"Reezy, what in the hell are you wearing?"

Without question, everyone jumped into the huge van.

"Hey, what are y'all-"

"JUST DRIVE!"

They drove in silence out of the Woodcrest suburbs until Macktastic finally uttered the first words.

"I can't believe we got carjacked by some teenagers, man."


	3. Chapter 3: Unbreakable

"So Reezy", Thugnificient finally got the chance to ask, "What the hell happened to y'all?"

"See, Grandad was trippin' 'cause me and Huey was fighting, then he got all mad actin' like a little bitch 'cause the house was a little messy. So he did this to us while we was asleep."

"Y'all must be really heavy sleepers."

"You know Riley, Are you sure Grandad didn't give you something weird to eat?"

"Maybe Caesar's right Riley", Cindy finally spoke to him for the first time in a while. "Are you sure you-"

"THE DAMN WATER!"

"What'd you mean Huey?"

"I knew Grandad never served sparkling water! And notice he looked through the cupboards before serving our water. I knew he must have pulled something!"

After an awkward silence, Flownominal broke the silence.

"Well don't worry, we're taking you to a friend who can definitely take this stuff off-"

"Yo, "Nificient!"

"Y'all need to quit all this damn yelling. What you need Reezy?"

"Grandad and Petto are following us, man! Lose 'em quick, 'cause you can't out race Dorothy since X-zibit pimped it out."

"AWW, SHI-"

HONK! (I'm trying to keep the teen rating here)

"Pull over now!" Grandad was catching up real close until they pulled a sharp turn into a very familiar looking house.

"Here we are" Macktastic said, relieved that he didn't have to listen to all that screaming and yelling.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

All the kids (Well, teenagers in this story) were shocked to see none other than Ed and Rummy.

"What's good Thugnifi- Riley?!"

"Thugnificient", Riley said, equally shocked. "You know Ed and Rummy?"

"Ed, how you know Reezy?" Ed bent down to Riley's level, looked him in the eye, ruffled his cornrows as if he was a little boy and laughed.

"This the crazy little nigga that shot me out the window!"

"What? Damn Reezy, yo that old nigga of yours really must be crazy to let you play with guns."

"If you guys are done", Jazmine said getting pretty irritated that she basically played hookey just because another one of Mr. Freeman's tricks (If you saw the "Or Die Trying" episode…). "We have a job to do"

"And what job is that, little lady?" Rummy said, getting pretty irritated that someone was getting irritant with him, but a swift kick to the nuts silenced him pretty quickly. And Everyone, as if they practiced it, just said:

"DAAAAAMN!"

"Jazmine, what's wrong with you-"

"Don't start with me Huey. I'm running around Woodcrest and skipping school just because you and Riley can never kiss and make up. Ed, just see if you can blast these rings and cuffs off them"

Ed and Rummy ran without hesitation to the job and in a little while Huey and Riley were wearing Kevlar to protect themselves while Ed and Rummy loaded their guns.  
"Now are you sure you want to do this?"

"Hell yea!"

"I'm ready"

And after 2 minutes of unloading bullets on the rings and 4 minutes on the cuffs, neither of them came off.

"Caesar", Macktastic asked, "What exactly did you put on those rings?'

"Some sodium phosphate mixed with some magnesium salt and chlorine to make some special fluid"

"Nigga, what?"

"Some salt, liquid, and that stuff in the pool water, Riley."

"Maybe if you read more instead of worrying about plastic chains…"

"Wait", Thugnificient interjected, "You ain't talking 'bout my chain, are you Afro?"

"I sold it to Caesar because my immature brother kept complaining-"

Thugnificient immediately asked Caesar "What did you do to it?"

"I pawned it."

"That was a $100.99 chain, nigga!"

"Well you got ripped off, because I only got $25."

"Whatever", Macktastic started again, "Jazmine, what did you put on it?"

"Tea."

"Oh No!"

"What?" Everyone asked.

"You can't mix chlorine w/ tea! It upsets the atoms in the tea and breaks down the sugar too fast to cause the atom to split! That's why it's unbreakable!"

Everyone stared at Mack (I'm getting tired of typing out the whole name, So from now on, Thugnificient = Thug, Macktastic = Mack, and Flownominal = Flow)

"What? _Excuse me_ for going to college!"

"Whatever", Rummy started, "Let's take one more shot at it. Huey and Riley braced themselves until Rummy just stopped and stared pissed off at the cuffs and rings and whispered something in Ed's ear, and he stared too.

"What's taking so long, nigga?" Riley was getting irritated.

"Turn your hands to everyone." They did so and everyone looked at it and gave the PO'd look at them, so Huey finally asked:

"What are you looking at", getting PO'd.

There was more awkward silence until Rummy finally told them the solution and talked quietly like he did when he gets PO'd (like the time he tried to explain why a 2-way pager isn't a computer).

"Have y'all ever thought of trying to find the damn keys?"

Sure enough, the brother looked at the rings and keys and saw a keyhole in both of them.

Huey, more pissed off then ever, screamed at the top of his lungs:

"THIS SOME BULL-"

BAM! He was hit with the metal part of the belt by… Grandad, who somehow sneaked into the premises!

"Surprise! And watch your mouth, boy."


	4. Chapter 4: You've Come a Long Way

Notice: I'll be typing out Lethal Interjection's full name again, because I know some people like to skip chapters

Everyone just stood there, eyeing Grandad like he was the devil incarnate for God-knows how long. Finally, Macktastic (who seems to be the brains of this story) shared his great wisdom with them all for this situation:

"RUN NIGGAS!"  
And like that everyone ran around Ed's big ass house. Imagine one of those Scooby Doo hallway scenes where everyone goes in one door and each of them come out of any random door in a weird position. They finally reached the pimped out Hummer while Grandad jumped into Dorothy with Mr. Petto still waiting in the car. Flownominal easily drove them away from Grandad and headed to the Freeman household. Ed was trembling with his head deep in Rummy's shoulder.

"Damn Rummy! Remember that old man said he would turn us in the next time we try somethin' like this when we robbed his house."

"Don't' start whining", said a still pissed off Jazmine. "Your daddy owns the police."

"Yeah, but my cranky-ass daddy says the next time someone calls 5-0 on us he'll let my ass get arrested. I'm scared , man!"

Rummy patted Ed gently and softly spoke to him. "Don't worry, it's gonna be alright. It's gonna be alright…"

But Rummy stopped after everyone looked on with the same "WTH!!" expression, and each had their own comment:

Riley: "Y'all niggas is gay…"

Huey: (Gives the signature raised eyebrow)

Thugnificient: "And I thought Gangstalicious was fruity!"

Macktastic: "But those were some fly ass pearls, though."

Flownominal: "This some stupid sh- (Grandad honks his horn loud enough that readers under 13 don't hear/read that), K'naw mean? Real talk, k'naw mean? I… I mean… I mean fo' real, k'naw mean?

Jazmine: "I always knew y'all were different"  
Caesar: "Good for y'all, that means more ladies for me! (another comic book reference. Caesar quoted this after Grandad tried to explain homosexuality to the boys)

Cindy: "There's too much sexual action for this story to be rated T."

Ed: "Da fu-(Grandad honks again) y'all lookin' at?!"

They finally reached the Freeman household, where Huey and Riley instantly ransacked the house until they finally found the keys and freed themselves and changed their clothing.

"Thank the Lord!", a weary Jazmine replied. "Now we can get to school. My parents would kill me. I missed a geometry test and I'm already failing-"

"Actually", Caesar put in, "school just ended 30 seconds ago."

"You don't have to worry about that."

Everyone turned eerily to face the voice which was obviously Grandad, but they saw not only Grandad, but Mr. Petto, a camera crew, X-zibit, and Ashton Kutcher.

"You've just been punk'd!"

Riley nearly exploded. "I TOLD Y'ALL! This is some old bullsh(Bleep), man!"

(Since it's on TV, it was bleeped out for young viewers.)

X-zibit spoke after Grandad gave Riley his ass-whooping on national TV.

"That's why I decided to drop charges on Dorothy. I told your Grandad and Ashton. This was a special episode. The whole nation just saw you at your weakest. Every aspect ever since your big fight was filmed and broadcast on MTV."

"So all of you were in on this?", Riley asked.

"Actually, we didn't know crap. They must have put hidden cameras around all of Woodcrest."

Grandad took a break from laughing and spoke:

"And that we did. And we put a camera on the shirts and in every car in Woodcrest with the neighborhood's consent. Now y'all will never… hey, where's Huey?"

And Huey, armed with two huge BB's shot up the whole room, hitting everyone in attendance. The TV screens of the viewers gave a "Technical Difficulties" screen.

Viewer: "I can't wait for the Reunion!"


End file.
